Are Your Sabotaging Your Own Happiness?
“If you attempt to arrange people, places, and things so they don’t disturb you, it will begin to feel like life is against you.”
– Michael A. Singer
Are you sabotaging your own happiness by handing over all control to others?
(This is particularly dangerous if those “others” are dickheads).
We’ve all experienced that feeling of frustration at someone else’s behaviour. Usually, it’s a repetitive irritation or enduring issue you have with specific individuals. If they would just change their behaviour things would be soooo much better.
If your partner would stop leaving their dirty dishes in the sink…
If your colleague would stop spreading that nasty gossip around the office…
If your sister would stop being late all the time…
If your manager would stop being so obnoxious and demeaning…
If your mum would stop jabbing at your personal flaw…
If your client would stop being such an unreasonable pain in the arse…
If everyone would just behave how you want them to then you could show up as the best version of yourself. You could breeze through the day in a fantastic mood fist pumping every person you pass in the corridor with a cheesy ear-to-ear grin humming some Bruno Mars song.
But, the problem with this state of mind is, you are placing your own precious happiness in the control of others, who all have their own personal gripes, inclinations, and expectations of how things and people should be too.
Sure, maybe your life really would improve if that person changed their behaviour. But, what if that never happens? Do you really want to place the state of your happiness in their sweaty hands? What a risky way to live.
Liberation happens went you stop resisting what is, even if it’s inconvenient, annoying, or infuriating.
The truth is we cannot escape negative people and negative experiences. These negative encounters will happen, and probably to some degree on a daily basis. So, if you are rigid in setting the criteria for how things must be in order to like your life – or be cheerful, joyful, thankful, open, and calm – then you have severely limited your ability to experience a positive state of being.
In fact, it’s our labelling of experiences and events as negative that are the problem. Is it really that devastating that it’s raining today, you missed your train, a customer or client sent you a passive aggressive email, or you got stuck in a long line at the shops?
Did getting caught up in the drama do you any good? Did complaining about it in your internal dialogue, and huffing and puffing about it change the situation? Or, did you just lose 30 precious minutes of your life fretting over what is?
The path to freedom starts with a change of perspective.
The more you stop yourself from getting caught up in these self-defined “struggles” and begin to transform your perspective of these occurrences and events, you’ll notice it was always your reaction to them that caused the emotional toll. You unconsciously trapped yourself in a state of self-imposed displeasure, conflict or resistance that never had to happen.
So what happens when you stop resisting and punishing yourself with the emotional melodrama every time life doesn’t unfold as you’d prefer?
You begin to see the beauty in imperfect moments. You roll with the punches and take away lessons with every stumble.
You chuckle at yourself and others from the absurdity of it all.
You are free to take enjoyment in whatever weird and curious encounters life greets you with, without any expectations or judgements.
You become that person who can remain totally cool when they get a flat tyre in morning traffic with a dying phone battery, pre-coffee.
You can just take a big breath in and out,
swear sigh and roll with it.
You become liberated and content knowing that you control your own happiness.